Tanuki Ugly
by cneko2
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto wakes up in bed. Just not alone in bed. Wacky morning after hijinks ensue. NaruGaa


_For Kotori. Because she draws me pretty pictures and puts up with the stupid American._

_Feliz Cumpleano, sweetie! (Now, let's hope I actually got that right…) You have yourself a great one! And I hope you like this. It's humor and it's a one shot…so, yeah. I tried. (smiles)_

_Our boys are probably around 16 or 17 here. And yes the title is a parody of the phrase 'coyote ugly'._

Uzumaki Naruto woke up in bed. This was hardly unusual because he often woke up in bed, unless he was on a mission of course. Then he usually woke up in a tree or on the ground. And while he was on a mission, this particular mission involved traveling to Hidden Sand. Which meant he would have had a bed to sleep on. Hence the waking up in bed.

The author digresses.

It wasn't the fact that he woke up in bed that frightened him. It was the fact that he woke in bed with _someone else_ that did. This was not good. Mostly because he didn't recall going to bed with someone else, nor did he even recall going to bed at all. But he must have, because he was obviously in a bed and there were fingers tugging through his hair.

He took a moment to take in the situation. He was in bed with someone else. Judging from the way the cotton sheets felt against his skin, he was most likely naked. And there was a strange scent in the air that his heightened sense could pick up, and unfortunately place. Sex.

_Okay, let's not panic, Uzumaki._ He thought. _You're in bed with someone and you've obviously had sex. Not a big deal. Hell, something you can brag to the guys about back home. Yeah, not that bad at all._

With a grin, he turned over to face his bed partner. The hand brushing through his hair stopped. Naruto opened his blue eyes and was on the verge of saying something stupid and clichéd when his brain processed the identity of the person next to him.

Mint green, dark rimmed eyes. Blood bright red hair. Pale skin. A tattoo of the character 'ai' on the forehead.

_Okay, **now**_ _you can panic._

_Oh man!! I slept with Gaara! Oh shit…I'm so fucked…actually, I think I was already that, but this is no time to be thinking about that!!! I'm **in bed** with Gaara of the Desert and I don't even remember how we got here!!! Oh, this is so not good…He's gonna kill me…no, wait…maybe he won't. I mean, we had sex, right? Surely he wouldn't kill me after having sex with me. He's not that messed up, right?....I'm so dead._

Meanwhile, thankfully the blonde's brain and mouth had disconnected.

"…Hi."

Green eyes bore into his soul. Accusing, condemning, denouncing, blaming, incrim—

"Hi."

Or perhaps it was all in his imagination.

"Err…about last night…"

"You don't remember, do you?"

"Umm…well, I…will you kill me if I say no?"

Gaara snorted. "You were drunk and I was lonely. End of story."

"Oh…well, that explains the memory loss…Hey, wait a minute! I don't _get_ drunk! Kyuubi's metabolism makes sure of that!"

"You were drunk." Gaara stated again, his expression stony.

"And I told _you_, I don't get drunk!" Naruto retaliated, poking a finger at the redhead's chest for emphasis.

"Did you drug me?" blue eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Gaara didn't say anything, but he didn't meet the other boy in the eye either.

"You did, didn't you!!"

"…No. Some of the girls did."

Well, that was a shock.

"Umm…Sand girls drugged me. Okay…may I ask why?"

"….they wanted to know what it was like with at demon."

"Oh." Well…that sucked.

"Wait…why didn't they just ask you?"

Completely silence and a look of 'umm..hello?' met his query.

"….what?"

"Psycho who's like to kill for fun and profit, remember? Besides, they're _girls_."

"Hey, that was a long time ago, you're lots better now!" Naruto said letting the 'girls' comment slide.

"Anyway, getting back to the little matter that I woke up naked in bed with you and the whole room smells like sex…" The blonde said getting back on topic.

Okay, Gaara of the Desert blushing was just…_amusing_. He'd have to remember to try and make the other boy do it more often. However, there were other matters at hand right now. Naruto poked the redhead for information. Gaara snarled.

"Stop that."

"Then tell me what happened after the girls drugged my drink."

"…I scared them off and I was going to take you back to your room."

"Yeah, and that so happened."

"It's my fault you're horny when you're drugged?"

"_What?!_"

"You…are very persuasive when you want sex." Gaara started blushing again.

Naruto paused for a moment to admire the view. Then indignation kicked in again.

"What do you mean _I'm_ very persuasive? You're the one who!!...No." An idea sunk into his head. And he just _stared_ at Gaara.

The redhead's pale skin did nothing to hide the darkening flush, but he met the blonde dead on.

"No. No. No. No. No."

"Yes." Gaara replied dryly. "Congragulations, Uzumaki Naruto. Last night you stole my virginity."

"Nooooooo…" Naruto moaned and buried his face under a pillow.

"Is it really that horrible?"

Naruto sat up snarling, still clutching the pillow to his chest. "I woke up this morning in a weird room with you to find out I had been drugged by sand girls who wanted to fuck me only to find out I instead ended up fucking _you_! I can't take this. Literally. This is too much weirdness in one morning even for me!"

Gaara stared at him for a long moment.

"Sorry."

"No, no, no! Don't apologize because that makes it even _weirder_ and the freakiness level on this is over the top already!"

"Well, what the hell do you want me to do?" The redhead snarled, standing and stalking away from the bed.

Naruto gulped as the sheets gave way to show that Gaara was indeed as naked as he was himself….and Gaara was walking a little funny. Damnit.

"Okay, look. I don't know what either of us should do at the moment, but…we can figure this out, right? I mean, we're both kick ass ninjas. This should be no problem." He smiled a weak smile.

Gaara glared. "Oh, it's about to get worse."

"Huh?"

The door opened.

"Gaara, breakfast is on the ta…"

Temari stopped dead at the sight of her little brother completely devoid of clothes standing in the middle of his room with his arms crossed and glaring at his bed. She followed his line of sight to the bed where an equally unclothed Leaf Ninja sat looking slightly guilty. Taking an involuntary deep breath, she caught a scent. A scent that should not be associated with her little brother in any way, shape, or form.

Her brown eyes narrowed. "Uzumaki, what did you do to my little brother?"

"He fucked me." Answered her little brother.

"He did _what?_"

"Err…now, Temari-san…let's not be hasty…"

Temari took a breath and drew a kunai. "Uzumaki, I assume you _do_ indeed plan to make an honest man out of my brother, correct?"

"Err…what?"

"You intend to make an honest man out of my brother, _correct_? Or do I need to castrate you here and now?"

Naruto, despite accusations otherwise, was a smart boy. Or at least smart enough. And when a smart boy is faced with a pissed off one night stand that he didn't remember and an angry older sister wielding a kunai and threatening to cut off one's dangly bits…well, a smart boy would run.

Needless to say, Naruto grabbed the nearest available fabric and dove through the window. He then high tailed it to the set of rooms he was sharing with Sasuke and Sakura.

Sasuke and Sakura, who were just sitting down to breakfast looked up at the slamming of the door.

"Naruto, where were you last night? We were worried." Sakura called out, the words dying on her lips as she stared at their teammate.

Sasuke's eyes widened. "Why're you dressed in a sheet?"

Naruto groaned. "Just…don't ask. I'm going to go get dressed."

Sasuke and Sakura stared after the blonde and then gave each other equal looks of 'The hell?' Sasuke shook his head.

"Its probably better if we don't think about it too much."

"You're probably right." Sakura agreed.

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door. Sighing, because she just _knew_ this was going to have something to do with Naruto, Sakura answered.

"May I help yo…" She ended with a squeak.

Gaara of the Desert was at their door. Gaara of the Desert was also holding a bundle of very familiar orange and blue cloth. Sakura really didn't want to know.

"Where's Naruto?" Gaara asked, rather politely by all accounts.

It took the pink haired girl a few tries to get her voice to work correctly.

"Down the hall, first door on the right." She pointed.

The redhead stalked off down the hallway.

Sakura _really_ didn't want to know.

Naruto had just tugged his shirt over his head when the door opened. Geez, couldn't they wait?

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. I'll be there in a minute and I'll tell you everything."

"I'm not Sakura."

_Oh shit._

"Wha…What do you want?"

"You forgot something."

A bundle of orange and blue was tossed and Naruto caught it with his face.

"Oof. Um…thanks."

"You forgot something else too."

The blonde pawed through the bundle of clothes. "Um, no it's all here…"

He glanced up to find Gaara almost on top of him. "Wha..?"

The redhead already had hands firmly on his shoulders and was leaning in. A surprised Naruto was and easily kissed Naruto, Gaara learned. He kind of liked that.

Blue eyes blinked as the kiss ended. "I forgot that?"

Gaara glared at him and kissed him again. Deeper this time.

And sometime during that kiss, maybe because of the sensations caused by it, Naruto remembered. The night came back in flashes and remembered sensations. Really _nice_ flashes and remembered sensations. And suddenly this morning didn't seem quiet so weird.

He grinned as they parted for air. "Oh, that."

Gaara glared at him.

"You know what? I think I might forget again. How about we do a repeat tonight? Just to make sure I remember and all."

The redhead continued glaring but blushed heavily.

Naruto laughed and kissed him on the nose.

"I promise I'll be a better morning after this time."

"You'd better…or I really _will_ kill you."


End file.
